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No Hollow Square
A Painful Prehistoric Portrait

Only recently has this exquisite example of Linolithic cave art - discovered in a collection of photographs of a spelunking expedition from 1927 - been brought to the attention of musicologists. The shapes near the heads of the human figures had been thought to be a kind of shamanistic symbolism directed (as in most cave art of the time) at the hunting of game.

 There was more than one eyebrow raised when a fasolapologist happened upon this print in 1939. Clamanda Primrose recognized the musical symbols immediately for what they were, and soon she had pieced together an entirely different theory about this work. Once it was clear that the human figures had been singers, Primrose could see an early human tragedy depicted here.

 The painting dates from around 50,000 BCE; she felt it may depict one of Man's first actual attempts at choral singing. Their muscular structure would certainly have been capable of rendering "sol," "la" and "mi," and some variant of "fa." But their attempts at actual vocal cooperation must have taxed these crude savages beyond our understanding; they blundered on without having invented (or utilized) the all-important "hollow square" formation. This proved fatal.

 Facing all in one direction, deafened by its own inarticulate howls, the group must have been unaware that its "musical" efforts were not appreciated by its usual prey. The resulting stampede was unnoticed until too late. Primrose further hypothesized that the tragedy may have contributed to the near extinction of the art form for the next fifty millennia.